Cokebaby and I went to see Doubt: A Parable at the Neptune Theatre this past weekend. It was a fantastic show, well-acted, and with a really cool stage design. The play was wonderful and I’m looking forward to checking out the film when it comes out on DVD.
Now, I don’t consider myself a hoighty-toighty kind of person even if I have, in fact, been to the opera. TWICE. Three times if you include the 10 minutes Measha Brueggergosman performed at the Royal Nova Scotia Tattoo one year. But that’s besides the point.
I was floored by the astounding number of people who had no clue about theatre etiquette. To be honest, I think many of these people thought they were going to see Doubt in the movie theatre rather than, you know, the theatre theatre.
Photo credit: Darren Hester from Flickr
So, for those people who are wondering, here are some clues to help figure out the difference:
- Are the floors sticky?
- Did you receive 3D glasses at the door?
- Is there a concession stand where you can purchase popcorn?
- Are movie and other ads playing while you wait for the lights to dim?
- For that matter, is there even a movie screen in front of you?
If you answered no to any of the above, then you’re actually in a theatre with live actors. Yes, this would explain how “real” the experience feels in the absence of those 3D glasses.
Now that we’ve established that you’re in a theatre for plays, here are some tips on etiquette:
Just because someone in the house coughs does not give you license to do the same. That goes for the next person, and the person after that, and so forth. In fact, try to stifle your cough altogether. And if you’ve got a dry heaving cough that you haven’t been able to get rid of for days, you’re better off seeing a doctor about it than attending the play at all.
Furthermore, if someone does happen to cough this should not also be considered the prime opportunity to open your box of candies, bottle of pop, packets of gum, or whatever other food items you brought with you.
For that matter, you should keep your food items and resultant belching in until you’re back at home or in another suitable environment.
And bathroom breaks? In most cities you’re not permitted to leave until intermission unless you’ve got some kind of personal emergency. Once those lights dim, consider yourself in prison lock-down. Come on, it’s only an hour and a half people. Plan your bowel movements like the rest of us and use the facilities beforehand.
And for goodness sake, don’t snap your gum throughout the performance (or ever really, but in this scenario in particular) or try to take notes (!) on loose leaf paper.
No word of a lie, all of these things happened to the point of distraction. And if I was hearing it, how do you think the actors were feeling? Yes, maybe they’re trained to ignore it all. But frankly, these people weren’t invited to watch their friends perform in their living room. We all paid money to see and hear a live play, not the sounds we’re most accustomed to hearing in a dining room.
Kthxby.
Kimberly Walsh is a social media and online community manager. You can follow her on Twitter @AliasGrace.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow. Most of those things would get you kicked out of a theatre in Toronto.
You have NO idea how hard I’m biting my tongue re: Halifax being a “cosmopolitan” city… keep the milk duds in your purse, please.
Doubt the movie was fantastic. But then again I’ll love anything with Meryl Streep in it. I almost think the live play would be too intense for me. I do think Neptune does an impressive job with their non-musical productions.
When I was waiting for the movie to start, two complete babyboomer strangers started having a crazy conversation riddled with clichés that continued well past the previews. If we were in a live theatre, I would have punched them both in the face and then hunted down their empty-nest-causing offspring and pushed them down a flight of stairs.
Sorry…I’m overcaffeinated.
This is whether Namericans are under-evolved linguistically. Everywhere else, theatre is a place where live performances are staged. Cinema is the place with the sticky floor and the Hollywood (or whatever) films are shown.
As you infer, we need to expand our language.
Racquel: Milk duds/whoppers were definitely present. They make a distinct sort of noise when rolling around in their cardboard packaging.
Ben: My blood pressure was through the roof and it wasn’t just because I was coming off a stressful week. I actually had to race out of the theatre when it was done because I’m fairly certain I would have screamed at someone otherwise. That being said, I’ve had only great experiences at the studio theatre; this was our first time at the main stage.
Gifted: If only it was just the misunderstanding of the term theatre. Most of these folks were just plain rude and totally inconsiderate not just of fellow theatre-goers but of the stage actors as well. I hope to not repeat that experience again.